Things Dumb White Folks Say - The Wrong Black Person Handbook
Ok, before people get pissed at me for the title. Hear me out. In the past three days, I have had two racist encounters that have led me to blog on this.
On Friday, two friends and I went out to one of our favorite pubs. It's a drink beer, play darts, load up the jukebox type spot. The first thing we did when we got there was load up the jukebox with our favorites and some bar standards by Bon Jovi, U2, Billy Joel, Nirvana, Guns N Roses, etc. Noting that they had an inordinate amount of Da.ve Ma.tthews CDs, I decided to add a not so mainstream Dave song called "The St.one". So while I am playing darts, filling my stomach with cider and singing along to one of the 18 songs we've loaded into the jukebox..."The St.one" comes on. Naturally, in my tipsy happy jovial state I cheer when the song comes on and start to sing along. Before I can even get my full buzz on, some dude says across the bar "You know, this is really ignorant of me to say but..." OK STOP. We all know (WE meaning minorities) know that when this comes out of someone's mouth, what follows will not be good. Why is there not some type of system where the moment someone starts a statement like that they are immediately muzzled and stopped from causing any further harm? Someone please start working on this.
But I digress, back to the ignorant fellow at the bar.
"You know, this is really ignorant of me to say but I wasn't expecting you to have picked this song. I just mean, I wasn't expecting someone like you to listen to this stuff. Just goes to show you can never judge a book by its cover."
Now, some of you out there may say "Hey, what's wrong with that? I mean, at least he acknowledged his ignorant thought pattern". No, not ok. Do you know why? Because that's not good enough. He could have heard me singing the song and said "Hey, nice choice!" and kept it moving. That's like an abusive husband being like "Yeah I have a temper and let my fists get the best of me" and he then proceeds to wail on his wife. Hey, at least he acknowledged his problem! This fool just had to let diarrhea of the mouth overcome him. He said 'someone like you'. What in the sam hell is that supposed to mean??!!?!?!?! Instead of ripping him a new a-hole in a bar full of people, I instead just said "Uh huh" and went on with my night. I keep thinking there were better ways to handle that.
Today, while I was standing in my boss' office, he decided to tell me a joke prefacing it with "I hate racist jokes, but this one I have to tell". My first instinct was to run and hide as though a bomb was going to explode but my feet wouldn't let me move anywhere. The words kepting spilling from his mouth..."What do you call a black pilot," he asked me. "I don't know," I murmured. "A black pilot, you racist." and he has a nice hearty chuckle. Was this joke supposed to endear him to me? Was I supposed to hug him and say "Thank you for turning the world of racist jokes on its ear"? I did nothing, I politely smiled and waited for him to give me my task.
I am really disappointed at my actions in both these situations. Whenever you tell an older black person about this sort of thing, they say "Don't worry, one day they'll say that to the wrong black person". Somehow, I don't think that's true. I think they have "wrong black person radar". What we need is The Wrong Black Person Handbook: A step-by-step manual to setting ignant honkies straight. A guide that will tell you how to handle every racist situation. Priced at $19.95, of course.
Anyone willing to write this book? I get a cut of the royalties 60/40.
**Disclaimer: To all those reading this of the caucasian persuasion, please do not take offense to the above text, unless of course you have done something similar (in that case, be very offended...a$$hole). Let this be a lesson - a different perspective on the things you may find yourself wanting to say. After all, the next person you say something like that to might be THE WRONG BLACK PERSON.**
On Friday, two friends and I went out to one of our favorite pubs. It's a drink beer, play darts, load up the jukebox type spot. The first thing we did when we got there was load up the jukebox with our favorites and some bar standards by Bon Jovi, U2, Billy Joel, Nirvana, Guns N Roses, etc. Noting that they had an inordinate amount of Da.ve Ma.tthews CDs, I decided to add a not so mainstream Dave song called "The St.one". So while I am playing darts, filling my stomach with cider and singing along to one of the 18 songs we've loaded into the jukebox..."The St.one" comes on. Naturally, in my tipsy happy jovial state I cheer when the song comes on and start to sing along. Before I can even get my full buzz on, some dude says across the bar "You know, this is really ignorant of me to say but..." OK STOP. We all know (WE meaning minorities) know that when this comes out of someone's mouth, what follows will not be good. Why is there not some type of system where the moment someone starts a statement like that they are immediately muzzled and stopped from causing any further harm? Someone please start working on this.
But I digress, back to the ignorant fellow at the bar.
"You know, this is really ignorant of me to say but I wasn't expecting you to have picked this song. I just mean, I wasn't expecting someone like you to listen to this stuff. Just goes to show you can never judge a book by its cover."
Now, some of you out there may say "Hey, what's wrong with that? I mean, at least he acknowledged his ignorant thought pattern". No, not ok. Do you know why? Because that's not good enough. He could have heard me singing the song and said "Hey, nice choice!" and kept it moving. That's like an abusive husband being like "Yeah I have a temper and let my fists get the best of me" and he then proceeds to wail on his wife. Hey, at least he acknowledged his problem! This fool just had to let diarrhea of the mouth overcome him. He said 'someone like you'. What in the sam hell is that supposed to mean??!!?!?!?! Instead of ripping him a new a-hole in a bar full of people, I instead just said "Uh huh" and went on with my night. I keep thinking there were better ways to handle that.
Today, while I was standing in my boss' office, he decided to tell me a joke prefacing it with "I hate racist jokes, but this one I have to tell". My first instinct was to run and hide as though a bomb was going to explode but my feet wouldn't let me move anywhere. The words kepting spilling from his mouth..."What do you call a black pilot," he asked me. "I don't know," I murmured. "A black pilot, you racist." and he has a nice hearty chuckle. Was this joke supposed to endear him to me? Was I supposed to hug him and say "Thank you for turning the world of racist jokes on its ear"? I did nothing, I politely smiled and waited for him to give me my task.
I am really disappointed at my actions in both these situations. Whenever you tell an older black person about this sort of thing, they say "Don't worry, one day they'll say that to the wrong black person". Somehow, I don't think that's true. I think they have "wrong black person radar". What we need is The Wrong Black Person Handbook: A step-by-step manual to setting ignant honkies straight. A guide that will tell you how to handle every racist situation. Priced at $19.95, of course.
Anyone willing to write this book? I get a cut of the royalties 60/40.
**Disclaimer: To all those reading this of the caucasian persuasion, please do not take offense to the above text, unless of course you have done something similar (in that case, be very offended...a$$hole). Let this be a lesson - a different perspective on the things you may find yourself wanting to say. After all, the next person you say something like that to might be THE WRONG BLACK PERSON.**
posted by Nicole at 11:00 PM
7 Comments:
You know, I'd really like to say that I am surprised by that joke your boss told but being that it was him and he's an asshole (in my opinion), I suppose I'm not. However next time he starts off with some stupid @SS joke like that just say "Uhm.... Hold on.... hey JERRY! Come listen to this joke." Because you need a witness for the law suit. Tha bastard.
Also the guy at the bar. I'm interested in knowing what the hell he meant too.... and I hope that wasn't his way of picking you up because if so it went hella wrong! Hope you gave him the 'Coley stare' accompanied by the "umph" sound before moving on.
But yeah, sometimes they can say things that are just wrong and even though they feign ignorance, they'd be insulted as hell if we said that same thing to them.
Great post Ms. Laddddyyy! :-)
~ The sister
This might sound really ignorant of me to say but...who is Dave Matthews? I've heard the name before but what kind of music is it?
That guide might not be a bad idea. Interview some people and the book will write itself. If you can't find a publisher, I have a contact.
I used to work with this old fart, who, for some odd reason, had to come to me, when he wanted to share a 'Yo Yo I rock like dat' moment.
I finally had to ask him what did he expect me to sound like when I approached him, then begged him not to over-exert himself, the next time he felt compelled to "share" with me.
@ MNM - Get thee to the record store or iTunes stat! Dave Matthews Band has a pretty big following. It's hard to describe the music but a good place to start is the CD "Under The Table and Dreaming" or "Crash". Take a listen to the song called "Ants Marching".
@ Harpo - Yeah, it's moments like that I wished I owned a stun gun.
it looks like they have updated the 'hey im not racist some of my best friends are.... etc etc' guff.
ah bigotry throughout the ages
"What we need is The Wrong Black Person Handbook: A step-by-step manual to setting ignant honkies straight."
ROFL - You want to talk about ignorance? All they did was say "someone like you" and tell a not even racist joke. I'm not saying that's the right way to go about it. It's not. ..but you have to come with the "honkey" buisness... Now that's much better... If you want one side to stop saying ni**er.. that's not the way to go about it either... "ni**er".
Now dontcha just love the anonymous COWARDS??? Saying everything and nothing at the same time. Like my mom used to say "Empty wagons make the most noise". *smh at the simpleton*
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